Infertility Survivor Part 2: What Archie Griffin Said

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We started trying to conceive in January, 2004.  It started to get tough emotionally by the summer of 2004.  It was especially painful whenever I saw a stroller, a diaper bag, or a pregnant belly.  I dreaded trips to Babies R Us to buy gifts for expectant friends.

In 2005, we had two particular disappointments – very early pregnancy losses.  I later figured out that I had been pregnant during my first solo jury trial in January, 2005, which explained the insatiable craving for chocolate I experienced the weekend after the trial ended.  While my client lost the case, we defeated the opposing side’s motion for prejudgment interest … you have to take your victories wherever you can!

In late 2005, we started fertility treatments.  I was on Clomid for a few months, and we became familiar with administering trigger shots and identifying blobs on an ultrasound screen as ovaries. The first couple months of Clomid were not too bad, but by the last round, I fully understood the misery of hot flashes.  The treatments did not work, the doctor recommended against injectibles because he thought they would not increase our chances, and we decided not to pursue in vitro treatment.

Time does not necessarily heal all wounds.  By the end of 2006, it had been three years, and the pain was just as fresh.  In my mind, only having a baby would make me feel better.  But after listening to a televised interview of Archie Griffin, I learned that there was another way to heal.

He spoke about winning two Heisman trophies.  The interviewer asked him how much he wanted that second Heisman trophy.  He said that he did want it, but he adopted the mindset from Psalms 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  I had previously interpreted this to mean that if you focus on God, He will answer all of your prayers with a hearty “yes” and grant you access to His cosmic vending machine.

Archie had a different take on it.  I believe that his words were along these lines:  he would focus on serving God, and God would either grant his desire for the second Heisman trophy or God would take his desire away.

It made sense.  If I did not have a desire for children, then being infertile would not hurt as much.  I started to pray that God would remove the desire for children if He was not going to fulfill it.  While I still hoped for children, the pain of not having them lessened.  It became easier to find joy in various activities Ryan and I could do together such as kayaking, biking and traveling.

Archie probably never realized that when he shared that experience about the Heisman, it would impact a woman dealing with infertility.  It goes to show that you never know what kind of an impact you could have when you share your experiences and feelings with others.

One Response

  1. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing yourself and your struggles. Such personal issues; you’re brave. I’m not a religious person, but I feel so good knowing it helped you. And I’m so glad that he fulfilled your desire rather than taking it away!
    Love and hugs,

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