Thoughts on Evangeline


I wasn’t planning on putting anything about this on my blog, Facebook or Twitter.  But every time I went to my home page and saw “New Addition Due in June” under “Recent Posts,” it reminded me that I have not shared the whole story.

After 3 months, not only do I feel ready to write about this publicly, but I feel that I should acknowledge her in my “online” presence.

Evangeline Grace Jacobs was born alive on January 11, 2011, at 12:20 a.m. at Riverside Methodist Hospital.  Her gestational age was 16 weeks and 3 days.  She was too young gestationally to survive more than a few moments outside of the womb.  We have pictures of her tiny face and tiny fingers. She was long and skinny, perfectly formed.

Why was she born so early?  I can’t answer that, nor can my doctor.  All that I know is that for some freakish and unexplainable reason, my water broke far too early, my body went into labor, and there was nothing that could be done to stop the whole chain of events.

And since then, I have been grieving.  While it’s getting better overall, there are some good days and some really bad days.  One thing that seems to help me is to acknowledge her.  Which brings me around to why I’m finally writing about her after three months have passed.

One of my dear friends gave me a wonderful gift recently, and I don’t think she realizes how great it was.  While we were talking on the phone, she mentioned Evangeline by name.  Not “when you lost the baby” or anything along those lines, but she said, “after you had Evangeline …”  I find it so uplifting to talk about her by name.

This was given to me by a dear friend who knows all too well how this feels.

4 Responses

  1. Oh Rebecca, I am so sorry for both of you and your beautiful family. God bless you. I will be praying for you.
    I lost an unborn child at 13 weeks. I don’t know what “she” looked like or if she even was formed, I guess probably not, I’ll not know until I’m in heaven. It was a really hard time, so in that way I can relate.
    Praying the Holy Spirit’s comfort over you and your family. Something I recently thought about while working in the yard; we may not ever know a reason, and in our human frame of mind no reason may be good enough for things that happen. But God always provides a way.
    Hugs and prayers sister.

  2. I think about you, Ryan, Katherine, and Evangeline often. I love you all so much and I hurt for you. I’m really glad you have wonderful friends to love you through this. Keep talking about Evangeline and blogging. When we lost our babies, I stopped talking about them. I also stopped trusting people and feared the “comfort” they were attempting to give. I don’t recommend this. I allowed my own pain to become so great and so loud that I was deaf to the people who needed me the most.

    I’m here for you at anytime. I can’t wait until we’re back in Ohio so I can wrap my arms around you. I do rejoice in the day that I’ll get to meet Evangeline, and my babies, in heaven.

  3. Sarah Skidmore

    Oh Rebecca. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t even know you were that far along with Evangeline, and that you had named her. I am so sorry for your and Ryan’s loss. I don’t know that I have any words of real comfort, but wanted to let you know I am praying for you and your family. The Lord’s mercies are new every morning, so remember to gather them in on the bad days. Sometimes He is the only one who can hang with us the whole depth and length of our need, so lean on the people He gives you right now.
    Love, Sarah

  4. Cindy Jacobs

    I sitting here reading this about Evangeline and the two babies that Mark and Jen lost and I am crying…what you wrote Rebecca was beautiful and also Jen what you wrote…I also know that I will meet these three grandchildren that I never got to meet and hold…to us, Steve and I that is a great comfort…we love you all so much!

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